Slowly Fading Away.

Lately I hear a question my head often. How did you get here? I feel stuck and without a purpose.

I am a retired stay at home mom. And I started telling people that as a joke. Because housewife sounds like I am just wasting my time. And to be honest I wonder is that what people think, or is that what I think so everybody else must have the same viewpoint?

When we moved to the USA, my visa only allowed me to live here and not work. So, after getting our green cards, my husband and I together decided that being at home with kids was better for them. By then the kids were in middle school. Being at home when they come back from school was a good thing.

During this time, I also taught Sunday School for middle schoolers. I loved this age. Our lessons were more of a discussion than just me standing there teaching them what I think they should learn. It was talking it out and seeing how the lesson can work in their lives.

Before I knew it the kids were done with school, and I was an empty nester. I became a certified personal trainer and taught a small group fitness class. Again, I was surprised how much I loved teaching. 

I am now exploring and trying to figure out what is next for me. As a stay-at-home mom/housewife. I am used to putting everybody’s needs before my own. This is how the slow fade happened. I keep on pouring into everyone else's growth, that I neglect my own.

I have a choice to make. I can keep on fading away and taking care of everybody around me, and call it a noble sacrifice, to make myself feel better.

Or better yet, I can take a few months to explore and figure out what is my next purpose.

My first purpose in my life was to raise my children. Now is the time to find a new purpose. 

I now have a certification in Graphic Design. Whether that is my new purpose, I am not sure. I am almost too afraid to put a label the new purpose. Because if I am saying I am a Graphic Designer then that defines my new purpose and my identity in whom I think I am. By saying I am a creative human, that leaves the door open for so many more possibilities. By creating and writing for a few months. One blog post at a time, I get to explore and see what will come forth. 

I must make time for myself to journal and create art daily. So that I can show up for myself so that I will have enough in my cup to pour into others.